A couple of posts ago, I spoke about resistance patterns and how it may be a successful marketing tool. This time I want to go deeper on to what is real emotional resistance in our life and how do we switch it off, forever.
You see, as a way of defense and fear of vulnerability, the human mind naturally learns resisting internal emotions. As we learn that it is foolish to cry, it is miserable to be sad, shameful to express sexuality, disrespectful to express anger, too hurtful to be honest, and we should react in certain ways or be a certain thing, as dictated by our peers, family and the whole community – naturally the almighty human mind develops an internal mechanism that helps you block the unwanted emotion. Guess where does the unwanted emotion go? Yes, it dips right back into the body, lives there and tries in every relevant occasion, to come out and be expressed, but there goes the ego again blocking it from leaving. It becomes a part of you that until recognized, you would keep falling into the same emotional patterns and experiencing the same unwanted events in your life.
No one develops this mechanism because they do not want to express their emotions only, but in the first place it is how we protect ourselves from actually feeling these unwanted emotions, ironically we end up suffering longer and harder. Beliefs and how we are programmed to think is where the emotional blocks come from. If say you’re meant to believe that fantasizing sexually about your friend is wrong, bad and sinful by all measures, it doesn’t mean you truly won’t fantasize, but it simply means you will do anything, externally and definitely internally to block yourself from feeling that way, because you too, will judge yourself for thinking anywhere near that, and for sure no one wants to judge themselves.
The reality is, expressing anger or sadness or any unwanted emotion, doesn’t have to be literal or verbal. You do not need to scream on the top of your lungs to someone’s face because you’re pissed off with them, although that’s absolutely fine if you really want to, but the real idea here is the acknowledgement and then, acceptance of the emotion. The point is to recognize the anger, sense it and feel the blood boiling in your veins if you may, and how you actually react is another story, but by acknowledging that you’re sad, you’re feeling despair, you’re raging anger, you simply tell your mind that it’s ok to be who you are and there is no need to stress over internal emotions. I am aware of what I’m feeling and I accept myself anyway. This emotion is mine and I own it, because how else are you a human being if you don’t feel all sorts of good and bad emotions?
Parents for me, are one of my major emotional triggers in life, as much as I love them, I dare say, they bug me. Speaking to her mother on the phone, a good friend of mine got into some sort of personal misunderstanding, and as most people would do, she took in the negative conversation and unknowingly turned it into a tape that played in her mind leaving her unconsciously depressed with thoughts of and about whatever she argued with her mom. Later on she shared with me that the reason she was feeling down is that she has this common belief that getting angry or extremely disagreeing with a parent is a horrible thing to do and disrespectful, hence it is un-nice to express such emotions towards your parents, even to yourself perhaps- boom! this in turn has upgraded the simple emotion of disagreement into a whole new level of guilt, she was not at all aware of. When she finally decided to truly accept that she is upset and angry at her mother, and that’s ok, only then was she freed from her depression.
Emotions are your body language, the one that you feel within and what people see in you, it is where your intuition lives, and to disregard it or think it’s not important is absolute ignorance. Emotions are the lessons you need to learn, they tell you what perceptions you need to alter, what beliefs do you need to let go, what is your thought pattern? and they are the indication of your life path. Every time you get triggered, recognize the emotion that arises and sit with it, accept, understand where it’s coming from then celebrate your discovery and awesome victory.
The key to being happy in my humble opinion is to accept the whole complicated package that you are without judging yourself and that’s how you grow and progress in life.